Just another day in paradise

Well maybe not so much paradise, I don't think I did my injection site right this time for my shot. I spent half the week in pain and nauseous. It has not been fun. One day I will get this right. Till then just keep on smiling.

I never actually finished this post. But the week pass I never got any better and now I'm still doing really bad. I had to go call my doctor today and he mentioned that I may have to go to the ER I don't like that. I'm just going to suck it up until the morning. After all I have a date tonight. I have to go do that and put smile on my face. Can't let this thing beat me.

Longtime no see

I know it is been a while since the last time that I have blogged. It's just been a long hard couple of months. I find it very hard to put my feelings together and I don't know what I'm feeling half the time. But I do know that things are improving, and that pain level is manageable. The doctors of put meon a new medication that really does help. Yeah I have to take a shot once a week and my leg but things could be worse.

I guess you could say I still have issues with headaches though I have to taking preventative medication but it doesn't seem to help much these days. But I'm different note, I got a new phone. I don't use the old conker anymore and well now I'm actually going into the smarty smart phone. No more dumb phone.

Long Long Time

I know its been sometime since I have posted anything, but a lot has gone on for me. Since I last posted I have seen more doctors about my RA the one being a Neurologist. I have spent the past month adjusting to more medications to help relive the pain in my head that is associated to RA and now that I am finally able to cope I am back to the blog.


Things have not been super easy for me on top of that, I lost Cam last month to a fear of commitment it would appear in my eyes. He may have other things to say, but what it boils down to is I was ready to move on with the relationship and he could not. I have been dumped before but nothing hurt quit as bad as this. I seriously felt like he was my other half. Everything made since when I was with him. It's taken some time and a some milk and cookies with the girls to help me through. Now its time to build up friendship with Cam again. I may not be able to date him, but gosh, he has some of the best board games ever and I love going to group activities in which he is part of the entertainment. I have made friends with ex's before. I can do it again.

LATE NIGHT LAUNDRY BOOGIE ANYONE? NO TAKERS? OK THEN.

 Yea that about sums it up. It was the last thing I had to do today and when I decided it was going to be boring and no one wanted to join me for a late night Laundry boogie (what I will now call hanging out with friends at my place while clothing is in the wash) I decided I had the day off monday and there is LOADs (huh huh see what I did there teehheee) of time. Now I am just chillin the night away with my compy wasting time.

Starting to Fight like a Girl

This past week I spent at lake Ray Roberts for Thanksgiving and was able to relax for the first time in a while. It was so nice to be away from the stresses of reality and just sleep. I was able to let my body relax from the pains that the past few weeks brought on. I was able to adjust to the new dossage of medications and finally just be at peace. I was away from internet all last week so I was not able to post updates or anything but I have just been dandy.

Now don't get me wrong, I still feel pain in my neck, head, and knees but its not at the level of OMGosh OMGosh just let me alone!. Its more like a Well, this ain't going away so just grin and bear it. 

The hardiest thing for me right now though is living with the constant knowledge that this will never go away. I am having to learn to embrace it and not let this RA consume me, but become part of me, spread awareness and relief.  I am grateful right now that my own condition is not as bad as some cases. I still have use of my hands and they have not become deformed as of now. Who knows, maybe the treatments I am doing will help prevent it from happening. I would like that. I can live with the swollen sausage fingers for now. My hands are my most valuable tool and I would hate to loose them.

I guess right now though my biggest concern is how to get the swelling down in my fingers. I hate not being able to wear my ctr ring due to circulation cut off.  I would love tips for that. Also I need to start weight loss... I am not happy with the gain and just Don't know how to begin. Working out hurts due to my condition and the changing of diet just dosen't work for me. I really need help. I went from a size 4 to a size 12 in about a year. 

I am starting to think that another factor to my achs has been the extra weight added but I am just so confused. I need the meds to feel better but the meds make me heavy and put more weight on my straining joints. its such an oxymoron.

Also, I am starting to show my pride of my condition. I am proud to sport the color purple, fly with the butterflies and fight like a girl!

The blah factor

Today has been a pretty restful day. I was able to relax and not feel overwhelmed by pain. I love my family and how they make me happy and forget my problems. I will be going camping this week with them for thanksgiving and it should give me more of a chance to heal. I can't type to much today do to swollen fingers. But if that is the extent of my problems today I have nothing to compline about. It was a pain pill free day!

Another Adding Moment

I am finally starting to feel better from this outbreak. I am not totally better of course... things have not really gotten better for me. Apparently my condition was not under control enough and was put on more medications this week. I am up to 3 pills in the morning and 4 at night with the exception of Sunday mornings where i take six pills... And then when I hurt a lot I have my pain killer (midrin for those who want to know how I handle the pain) and my arthritic cream which I can use at any time. I am starting to look like a drug store. I never would have thought I would be living my life like this when I was a kid. Now I can't go a day without using hand sanitizer (which is kept in my purse) and washing my hands just trying to make sure I don't get sick. Its sad that I am starting to realize that the medications that are ment to help me feel better, also can make me sicker... They weaken my already troubled immune system and make me more capable of getting sick. Not only do I have to live life with pain in joints and other stiffness.... I will also start to worry about liver and kidney problems. Well if I am careful I should be okay.

I have good Faith on my side. I know I can get through this, and I know I don't suffer alone. I have a testimony in Jesus Christ and that he suffered my afflictions and pains and knows what I feel. I also know that I have a friend (who's name happens to be Rachelle as well) Who suffers along side with me with a similar problem with Fibromyaligia. She to has a blog (and tends to keep at it better then I) that explains the hardships of living with this life long tribulation and its amazing to see how strong she is. She is Married and has 4 kids and is still living her life with a smile  on her face as best as she can. I know how hard it is to move some mornings and I can't imagine it to be any easier with little ones running around.

I got to spend time with Cameron this week because he is going back to visit his family again this week for Thanksgiving. I wanted to spend as much time with him in the evenings as I could and I enjoyed it. Now I have to get ready for bed to take him to the airport in the morning. Thank goodness I am tired most of the time, should make going to bed early a breeze!

So you think You know how to cure all headaches?

I was finally starting to feel better then all of the sudden out of no where my headache came back. Sundays are already hard enough for me trying to get ready. Most mornings when I don't have a flare up, I can get ready in about an 2 hours. Today though I over slept and had only 30 minutes WITH THE RA HEADACHE.

I have to be at Church about 30 minutes early as well to open up the meeting house Library. I am the Librarian for the church building and need to be around that early. Lets just say having to deal with people while wanting to just keep a heated rice sock on ones head is not the idea of fun. It was taking all I could muster to not fall over from the pain.

The most annoying thing though about the pain is when someone who doesn't have RA thinks they know everything thing about head pain and just keeps on giving tips. I know your trying to help, but nothing stops the pain. Midrin dulls it some but it doesn't kick it. I have tried raping my feet in a heated pad to decrease circulation in my head and move it to my feet. I have tried every pain killer, pill and topical and even tried meditation at one point in time. Direct pressure is the only relief for me and I can't go around all day with my hand on my head so I just have to deal.

I know having headaches this bad is not good, for people who say I should see a dr about it. NO Duh... I wonder how many visits it takes to say. "Well nothing really can be done, you have an incurable disorder, here are some drugs to help make it no so bad for the rest of our life. Be careful though they may hurt your liver in the process or hinder your ability to have children one day." I want kids, I don't want to mess that up. I figure if I can live through the pain I will be blessed for it. But don't go saying that I should do this or that.... Unless you have RA or some other Autoimmune illness I don't really want to hear tips anymore. I know your trying to help... but its just more annoying now.

Good news! Cams home!